awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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