saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
