3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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