Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
