my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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