Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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