She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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