Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
