He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we're making bets on your personal life
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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