I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
