I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize