Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
