after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
