what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
