he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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