Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
