I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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