your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
