This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
