I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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