Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He shit in the fireplace
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
