eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
