Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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