I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
