He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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