how can u be prego again
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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