I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
