i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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