11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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