Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
