The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
