I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Randomize
