weddingsv make me drug and hornr
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
