i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
