I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
