We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
