I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
