so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
