I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
