Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Your dad touched me again.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
