i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
