just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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