She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
