If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
