Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
