we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
