y did u give ur computer a hand job?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
