please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
