Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
In America we eat man semen.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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