I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need to calm my uterus...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
