I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
