Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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